True Story

True story...I got my current job because of a suggestion of a local blogger friend.

True story...I met my cleaning lady (who also blogs) through another blogger friend.

True story, there are a TON of super cool bloggers in my area and yet, I really haven't met any of them. My blog started out as a place for my private thoughts. And, along the way, I have linked up with so many people that I feel like I am really and truly friends with. But, I haven't really spent time with them, outside of blogging. I have been invited to things, but I haven't gone. BlogHer was forty minutes away from my home this past summer, but I was in California.

In a way, I have kept hiding behind the blog, because writing is easy. Putting myself out there with words on the screen was easy. And for an introvert, it was comfortable in a way that other social exchanges are not.

Well, this blog really isn't private any more. And people know it is out there. I feel like my blog has morphed and changed along the way and I am comfortable where it is at.

So, today, I ventured out...just a little, and met up with Erin for a quick coffee at lunchtime. This is the same Erin, who helped me find a new job where I am so thankful to have landed. This is the same Erin, who works in the same school corporation where I now work, except she is currently on maternity leave. This is the same Erin, who delivered her OWN baby on the stairs of her house this past summer. And she was every bit as sweet and cool as she is in writing.

I think I may have to venture out again.

And, because I am a dork and forgot to take pictures, here is a picture of me, holding that beautiful baby of Erin's. True Story.

Locked

Locked.
Locked in a box where no one else can see.
Shut in, they stay inside.
They can not come out.
If released, they might tear the whole house down,
crumbling all that has been so carefully built
Trapped inside, they can't hurt much.
They are chained, but they move.
They kick against the sides of the box.
They grumble.
They squirm.
They start to make the box feel as if it is closing in on itself.
But, the box holds.
The box holds despite the jolts from inside.
Ignore the rips and dents that start to appear.
Slap another piece of duct tape on the box.
It must keep them inside.
It does the job it has set out to do.
Protect all.
Do not let it out.
Keep the contents secure.
They are yours and yours alone.
Locked up tight.

His Own Personal Fairy

Dash lost a tooth the other day. He has lost lots of teeth. But, this one was a molar. It was special.

The Tooth Fairy, however, experienced Tooth Fairy fail (also known as forgetfulness). Dash is 10, and figured out the whole Santa Claus business last year, but seemed to still want to believe in the Tooth Fairy, or at least he was motivated by the idea of money, to pretend like he believed. I tried to help maintain the Tooth Fairy's reputation, by sneaking into his room, early in the morning, to snag the tooth and leave a few bucks, but he saw me, sat up and immediately flipped his pillow over and saw... the tooth.

As I stood there, trying to hide the greenbacks I had in my hand, I saw his crestfallen face as he said "the Tooth Fairy didn't come!"

Luckily, I can think on my feet and I quickly made up a story about the Tooth Fairy being afraid of dogs, and maybe, since the dog now sleeps on his bed, the Dumb Dog scared the Tooth Fairy away. He seemed to think that was plausible, so I added "maybe you should leave the tooth in the kitchen tomorrow, where it is easier for the Tooth Fairy to get to."

The kitchen happens to also be a more visible place for Mom to help the Tooth Fairy out, if needed.

So, he put his tooth in a cup in the kitchen and today, he found this typed note, along with a couple dollars, in the cup where the tooth was now not:

Dear Dash,

Thank you for putting your tooth somewhere far away from the really scary brown dog. I tried to get your tooth on Wednesday but the dog started licking me and then was about to eat my fairy wings. So, I flew as fast as I could out your window....thanks for leaving it unlocked for me. I tried to come back through the front door, but then the dog stood at your door growling. Did you hear her? Since tooth fairies are not allowed to wake sleeping children, I had to leave before you woke up and found me there.

I hope you lose some more teeth soon, because they are a hot item on the magical creature black market. I am saving up for a new motorcycle, and need to collect and sell as many teeth as I can.

Thanks again,
your fairy,

Imelda

**********************************

Who knew that everyone had their own personal Tooth Fairy? Dash's only question was if I knew what Jack Jack's Tooth fairy's name was. I don't because JJ hasn't lost any teeth yet. I guess I have quite a number of years left of listening to Violet ask me why it is ok for parents to lie to their children while I craft notes to help protect the reputation of all the magical holiday beings that visit our house.

Not Gonna Do It....

Two years ago, I blogged every day for the whole month of November. Last year I tried to write a novel in the same month. This year? This year, I am not gonna do it.

This year, my goals for the month of November include more time reading books, and making sure that I get up in time to get my workout in for the morning. And getting up at 4am, means I need to be in bed by 9pm.

This year, in November, I will write when I feel like it, no pressure.

This year, because I will be getting up to workout every morning, I will also bake cookies, when ever I feel like it, which usually coincides with me wanting to eat cookie dough.

This year, in November, we will not have a big family Thanksgiving, for the 1st time ever. My in-laws are leaving us for a Hawaiian cruise for two weeks, which they totally deserve, but still...leaving Northern Indiana for Hawaii, at the end of November? Are they insane? Who would want to do that?

And this year, in November, we have a totally relaxing Thanksgiving, with just us and my sister-in-law, in our own house, doing our own thing. Maybe not even ever getting out of our PJs....maybe, unless we need to workout first so we can enjoy our Thanksgiving feast guilt free.

Did I mention my sister-in-law? This year, in November, my totally awesome sister-in-law, consented to leave my brother for two weeks and hang out with us, to help me out with the kids while my in laws are off enjoying the warm Hawaiian sunshine. AND she is coming from Las Vegas, of all places. She must be crazy too. Or she just really likes us...

So, hey, goals change. And my goal for this November, is to enjoy it as much as possible, no pressure.

This Way

I love this picture. And, I started writing this post with a list of reasons why I love this picture. And then I deleted them. Because sometimes, words just ruin the view.

Yesterday, went just as planned. I relaxed in the morning, I took Jack Jack to preschool in his Storm Trooper Costume and photographed the costume parade. Then I went for a run in the woods. And it was quiet, except for the wind and the falling leaves, and the crunch of my feet on the covered trail. And the brightness of fall blurred together as I ran. And when I stopped, for a breather, on a bridge, I watched the leaves in their flotilla of color, float under the bridge and down the stream. And I wished I had my camera so that I could share. So, when I was done running, I got my camera out of my car and walked, and took pictures. And it was silent. And it was just me and the colors and I followed my own trail.

Breaking

Taking a Break

Applying the Brakes

Breaking down

The process of being Broken

Interesting how the word "Break" can have both positive and negative meanings.

I have been feeling a little broken. Not a lot broken, just a little. I love fall and I want to be out in it, but I have had some lingering virus, that for a month now has made me super tired. But, I am not sick enough to crawl into bed and stay there. Just sick enough to feel run down and sometimes keep myself awake at night coughing, yet not sick enough to take a break from mothering and working and cooking and laundry-ing.

I try to continue getting up early to workout, because running, and weights and yoga all give me the endorphins I need to feel better and feel better about myself. But, I am too tired to do this consistently. And the days that I don't, because my body feels like cement was poured over my head while I slept, I feel more tired than the days that I do.

I worked through my family's fall break last weekend. And while they were lounging, I was working. And I was jealous, and tired.

But, my turn is here. And this morning I shipped all, but the youngest off to school, from the warmth of my bed. And now, here we sit, still in our PJs, while I drink coffee and he plays Club Penguin, and I play scrabble and collect my words. And in a few hours, I will drop him off at preschool, in his Storm Trooper costume, and I will head off for a run in the woods, to enjoy the fall color chaos that is almost gone.

And hopefully this break, will be a cure for whatever has been making me feel broken.

The Spirit

I am not a big Halloween fan. I don't have religious or philosophical reservations, I just am not one to get overly pumped up about the commercialism of a one night event in which my kids "need" over-priced, yet cheaply made costumes, so that they can go into the streets and beg for junk food.

But, yet, it is not for me, it is for the kids. So, we still do Halloween. A few years ago, I told the older kids that costumes needed to be mostly made, because I wasn't spending a lot of money on them. And they went with that. Although, this year, Dash waited until a couple days ago to tell me that he needed to be Batman. The fact that I do not sew, could make this especially tricky.

Every year, I make the Mr. go trick-or-treating with the kids, while I answer the door. It works out for both of us. He gets to freeze his tail off, but gets a cut of all the candy, and I get to sit at the computer, where it is warm, by myself, passing out candy. One for you...two for me...

I don't do a ton of decorations for Halloween. I save all my holiday spirits for Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. I love baking and drinking coffee in my kitchen with my Christmas music blaring, for an whole entire month. I am depressed when I can't play the classic tunes anymore. But, back to Halloween.... We do get pumpkins, and because my husband is a good guy, he carves whatever the kids draw on their pumpkins.

And I suppose, that when you look at these faces, you can't help think that sometimes, it is just about doing something fun, together. And I couldn't help but think that the last picture, really was pretty cool and "spooky." And by the time the pumpkins were all carved, I had been completely pulled out of my hormone funk of the day.

Jack Jack's "pumpkin" face

Dash's pumpkin also has ears, which his sister, so nicely pointed out, need to be sticking out from the pumpkin a little bit, to be a true representation of Dash.

She is not always too cool for us.

And there it is, the Halloween Spirit

The Change

Life in Indiana seems to be a continual process of change. It is an obvious circle of life as the seasons go through all the phases of life and death and birth and renewal. I love parts of all the season. I get tired of winter round about the end of March and when it continues on into April and May, and I was still freezing my tail of this past June while I watched Dash play baseball. But, it is the change that is the thing. It is the moving from one part of the year into an obvious transition into another. And right now we are in my very favorite changing season.

I love the colors that will soon fall to the ground and be scattered by the north winds that will also change our landscape from the chaos of color of now, into a monotone of grays and whites and browns.

I love changing from short-sleeves and shorts to sweaters and fleece and wool socks.

I love pulling my down blanket up to my ears and creating a den of warmth, in which to spend the night, or maybe the whole winter?

I love the crispness of the air on my face and in my lungs as I start off on my morning run.

I love the smell of the damp earth.

I love hot tea or even hot cocoa, in a steaming mug after a long day at work.

I love honey crisp apples.

I love the cinnamon donuts that our local apple orchard convinces me to purchase.

And soon, the novelty of these fall favorites will wear off. And I will be looking forward to the change into snow, and sledding, and snowballs, and Christmas music and decorations. And soon, that will change again and I will be longing for the hot stickiness of Indiana in the summer. But, each season has its time, and its place, and it is the change that keeps me moving forward in time and space.

But today, I enjoy the color, the color that is change, and I wish it wouldn't, and that I could just surround myself with that color and nothing would ever change.

Movie Review: Where the Wild Things Are

I am not a movie critic. Nor do I normally review movies here, except for the time when I warned parents that there might be a bit too many sexual references in Marley and Me for the PG rating that it received.

But, since Where the Wild Things Are, has had a bit of controversy. And, we saw it this last weekend, I thought I would offer up my take on this movie.

First of all, I had read some reviews and had quite a few reservations about taking Jack Jack. But, Dash wanted to see it and Jack Jack claimed that he would not be scared and wanted to see it as well. We gave in, and we all survived, but, it was definitely NOT for young children. And there were a LOT of young children in the theater. And there were a number of families who left part way through the movie (including the family with the little girl who couldn’t have been more than two who fell into the isle, hard, as she swung from the bars).

The Mr. hated the movie.

I tolerated the movie.

I would be interested in hearing how Violet would like the movie, I know she wants to see it, but she was in another state doing other fun things instead.

Jack Jack even claimed that he liked the movie, although he spent much of it on my lap, watching with only one eye open. When we got home, however, he pulled out his Where the Wild Things Are book and stuffed Max and read and played all afternoon. And I watched his play, because I was a little concerned about some of the violent behaviors in the film, such as when Max had a tantrum and bit his mother. But, Jack Jack recreated none of that, in fact, his play centered on running and jumping and having fun. But, then again, we talked on the way home about how Max behaved when he got in trouble and how he could have made better choices and how biting and throwing things at people hurts them and we don’t want to hurt people. I still wished we had taken him to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, instead.

Dash really liked the movie. And this surprised me. There is a lot of abstractness about Max’s journey to Where the Wild Things Are. Max is, obviously (to adults), working through his issues with his parents’ divorce and this mother’s new boyfriend. And divorce is not an issue that Dash has had to deal with in anyway. So, I wondered what about the movie appealed to him. But, in talking to him, I believe that Dash related to the fact that Max, as a nine-year-old boy, has very little control over what goes on in his day to day life. He can’t control what his parents do or do not do. He can’t control how his siblings treat him. And sometimes, he has a hard time controlling his emotions and his behavior.

But, Max, got to go on a journey where he got to be the King. And even though, in the end, he was just pretending to be the King, he got to tell people what to do and they did it. The Wild Things didn’t always like what they were told to do, but they did it anyways, just like how 10 year old boys don’t always like what they are told to do, but they have to do it anyway. And Max found out that sometimes, being in charge doesn’t really create the happiness we are looking for.

I felt that the movie, although slightly disturbing to parents, did a great job in portraying boys and the therapeutic effects of play and the importance of imaginative free play. Boys often get put down for the violence in their play. And this movie had some instances, like the “dirt clod war” that most parents would have put a stop to right away. But, for boys, their play works out some very real life situations. And dealing with what is right and wrong and who really IS the “good guys” and the “bad guys” is hard in a world where the lines are not as clear cut as a game of “cops and robbers.”

So, would I recommend this movie? Maybe. But, I would recommend that you not take young kids to the movie. I would also recommend that no matter what age kids you decide to take, that you be willing to discuss, and talk about the movie and help children take the abstraction and make it concrete in whatever way works for their lives.

Without a Word

Can you write how you feel, without saying a word?

When words are your tool, can you keep them silent?

How do you give voice to your feelings, without opening your mouth?

When opening your mouth might just turn good into bad,
should you swallow those words and keep them locked tight?

Will that just let the wound fester?

Or is it better to realize that sometimes stuff happens and just let it be?

People sometimes do things that makes us feel slighted or maybe even sad.

Is it always our job to let them know?

Or, perhaps...just let it go.

(This post, for some reason, very much wanted to rhyme. And I kept stopping it from rhyming because I didn't want a cheesy poem. But, in the end...it did anyway. Is that I sign that I sometimes can't stop things from happening the way they are designed to happen?)