Tuesday, November 16, 2010


A crash is coming
It can't be stopped
Headlights flying through the night
Rushing headlong through space and time
Time holds it's breath
And stands in front of the speeding force
Arms out wide
But it's not enough to stop the inevitable

A crash is coming
There will be survivors
Survivors who will hereafter mark time in befores and afters
This will be a day lost
It will be neither a before or an after
But a day that changed everything.

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Worst Cat Story Ever That Was Also Funny, But Not Really

One night, just this past week, after a wife was already laying in bed, the husband realized that the master bathroom toilet was clogged. Instead of walking himself down to the garage to get the plunger and walking back upstairs to unclog the the toilet, he went to sleep. But before he did, he asked his wonderful wife if she could remember to get the plunger in the morning, after she ran.

Being the wonderful wife that she is, she DID remember the plunger in the morning after her run, and she plunged that toilet herself, because she is just that wonderful.

After a shower and scrambling to get herself and kids dressed for a day at work/school, she stepped into the hallway with just moments to spare before she was superduper late for work. As she stepped into the hallway, her lovely middle child, let her know that his bathroom was clogged. Apparently, this wonderful wife is the only person in the house capable of unclogging toilets. Having just unclogged one toilet, she did not relish the thought of unclogging another toilet, plus, she needed to get in the car and get a move on. So, she told her lovely son that she would take care of it later. Thinking to herself that there are three other toilets in their house, she did not think leaving one clogged for the morning would be a big deal.

However....upon returning home with her oldest child who had just finished running and was sweaty and wanted to take a shower in the bathroom with a clogged toilet, the wonderful wife told her daughter to wait while she got the plunger and fixed yet another toilet. Her daughter waited, and the wonderful wife lifted the lid to the toilet and almost threw up with the realization that this toilet was not just clogged, this toilet had been very much used by what looked like an entire household full of non-constipated people.

Wonderful wife then stated aloud and in earshot of her daughter who was still standing there that "I think I might throw up." Before she threw up, she decided to open the small window above the toilet for some fresh air and then get to work on the plunging. After opening the window she turned to reach for the plunger just as a small furry orange cat came streaking into the bathroom.

The wonderful wife and her daughter watched and knew what was going to happen next, but were powerless to prevent the orange cat from jumping onto the toilet, who's lid was in the open position. The orange cat realized this as well, too late and scrambled to find a foothold on the narrow rim of the toilet. This proved to be futile and as the wonderful wife and her daughter watched in horror, the cat slipped and gripped and slipped again falling into the bowl of wet sewage below.

The cat, not too excited about this turn of events himself, leaped out of the toilet as fast as he could, but not before his rear end and his back legs were submerged in the putrid toilet water.

"No! No! Nooooo!" The wonderful wife yelled, in a high pitched voice she was not sure she had ever heard escape her lips before.

And quick as a flash, before anyone could think to contain the now wet cat, the small orange cat dashed away, leaving a trail of stinky wetness behind.

Also left behind, were the wonderful wife and her daughter, who were now, not only faced with a disgusting toilet to plunge, but an entire bathroom to clean and disinfect and a carpet trail to clean and a cat to find, contain and sanitize.

In the wake of this horrid turn of events, there was not much that the wonderful wife could do but laugh in that hysterical laugh of someone who is about to be committed to an institution. And as she cleaned, and laughed and sobbed quietly to herself, she heard a cry from yet a third household bathroom, "Mom! The toilet's clogged!" And she vowed that no longer would she allow her family to eat solid foods, ever again. The End.

A not nearly as disgusting of a post is up over here, talking about homework, and whether kids should even have homework.

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Saturday, January 16, 2010

Nervous, In 100 Words

Hollowing out the book was harder than she had though. But she kept carving. Slowly, the knife edge went around the rectangle hole, that started on page 56.

She was not normally patient, but she took her time, cognizant of the sharp knife edges pointed towards her legs, sprawled out on the bathroom floor. She had made many mistakes, but did not want her next one to cause her to need to explain a knife wound.

The scraps, were slowly brushed into an empty tampon box, in the trash. Her husband, she was sure, would never look in that box.

A 100 word challenge, issued by Velvet Verbosity, and introduced to me by Slouchy. Go visit them both for more Nervousness.

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